Oh, Jerchele, the much loved but troublesome son. While Jerome and Michele were at the hospital, he decided he it would be super cool to invite his new friend over to see the baby. The friend he met by the garbage can. He could not understand why his mom freaked out.
"No, Jerc! We are in a happy place.. You will have to go right through me before I let Derick ruin this family's happiness yet again!"
"If that's how you feel about it mom, I guess I will go right through you and invite my new friend inside!"
Jerome, most understandably, was beside himself when he walked into the great room after changing Microme and found
him sitting there.
"Why the hell is that man sitting on my couch!"
"Jerchele invited him."
"What? We would that little twerp do a thing like that?"
"Ssshhh Jerome. Jerchele can hear you."
"Yeah? Well I don't give a f. . . . .fig!"
How much can a cheerful foodie music lover take? Not much more, as a semi-reliable narrator can tell you. Jerome tried to be reasonable.
"Michele, you can understand why I want to kill the bastard, right?"
"Jerome, he was poisoned too. Remember?"
Poisoned!
"Jerome," Michele pleaded, "please don't bust a cap in his ass. It'll ruin your career with the PD. Use reason. Use your mind. That's what got you this far in your department."
"Derick, in deference to my wife who I love, I am telling you to get the hell out of my house. Realize that the only thing that is saving you from certain death is that she believes you are a good person who should not be shot straight in the heart."
"There is one thing you must understand Jerome," Derick pointed out, "Me and Michele-- we are soulmates. It is in our stars and in our profiles. There's nothing you can do to change that."
"Look at my wife, Derick. She has just come home with our child. Our
second child. Do you really think your so-called
soulmate would be spending the last two years having babies with someone else?'
"Michele," Derick pleaded, "you know we are meant to be together. We are one. We are soulmates."
"Derick, seriously. I just came home with Jerome and my baby. Like, an hour ago. I don't have the strength to defend you. Go home. Please."
Derick could not let got. "NEVER!"
There was no stopping the inevitable. Not even Jerchele could halt the onslaught. "Daddy, no!"
"I will wreck you!!!"
It was no contest. Jerome was fitter, he had training in hand-to-hand at The Academy and, most of all, he was filled with righteous fury. The only thing that stopped Jerome from throwing Derick through the brand new front window was the glimpse he caught of Michele still in her hospital gown, hand on her lower abdomen and Jerchele beside her-- cheering. The boy was cheering! Instantly Jerome knew this was not what he wanted for his son. That was the only thing that saved Derick from defenestration.
It did not save Derick from literally being picked up by his scruff and the seat of his pants and thrown, head first, out the front door. After a second, Jerome walked out the front door- upright. To, in the first place, make sure Derick left and, second, to cool down. When he came back, he quietly walked in on his wife and son.
"And then Daddy went KAPOW! and Derick said, 'Hey, ow, hey!' and Daddy was like SMACKDOODLE in the NOODLE. . ."
"Jerc honey, do you think that was cool?"
"Dad is way cool!"
"Well, I can't argue with you there, son. Your dad is super way cool. But do you think that beating up people is way cool? Did your father look happy while he was smackdoodling Derick?"
"Um, no."
"And before the fight, you told me Derick was your friend. Do you think it's way cool that someone who you thought was your friend got beat up?"
"Ah, well. . ."
"And do you think it was way cool to not listen to your parents when they warn you about not talking to strangers?"
"He was so nice. And he wasn't really a stranger, was he? You and dad know him and. . ."
"But we warned you, didn't we. He ended up being not so nice after all. He also ended up getting beat up. And your dad? He ended up angry and upset-- and hurt too. The kapows weren't all one-sided."
"Dad wasn't hurt! He's strong and full of muscles. He's inbint. . . invinca. . . unbeatable!"
"There are different types of hurt, Jerchele. Do you know what your dad's most favorite thing to do is?"
"Play Incredible Sports on the computer?"
"No, silly. It's hugging you. And me. And now, Michrome too. And his least favorite?"
"I know that for sure-- mopping the bathroom floor!"
"Nope, but that is a close second. His least favorite thing to do is punching people. And you made him do that. You made the most super cool man in the whole entire world do his least favorite thing ever. That is not a good thing, wouldn't you agree?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"When me or your father tell you something, we do it with love and we do it because we know better. And we do it because WE are the parents here. With that, son, you are grounded. Go to your room."
Hey babe, come here and let me do my most favorite thing in the world!